Relationships

Believe In Love At Your Own Risk

I don’t listen to secular music, but if you have ever lived and worked in Kampala, then you know that sometimes you don’t have a choice but to listen, since people play loud secular music everywhere. One of the popular Luganda love songs caught my attention because of the lyrics, but also because the musician has a great voice. In this song, the singer laments throughout about how he did everything right, but still got his heart broken by the girl he loved. Apparently, the girl had said the following words to him: 

….yeah, wabula saagala saagala kukulaba. Neerabira gye wandaba. Mukwano nze wantama dda aah. Kati nnyamba, tunula gyova onviire. Buli wenkutunulako amaaso galuma. Ntaasa, ne mikwano gyo gigambe. Ebyange naawe birooto

The translation would be something along these lines: “I don’t want to ever see you. Forget where you saw me. I got fed up of you. Now do me a favor, turn to wherever you came from and leave. Each time I look at you my eyes hurt. Help me and notify your friends, that you and I can never be”. 

And then the singer goes on and on about how he can never believe in love again; how he can’t fall in love again. And he concludes with these two lines: Believe in love at your own risk; Fall in love at your own risk.

I stopped the first time I heard those lyrics because those are the words we used to use when we were younger when we got mad at each other…..or even to boys who were trying to ‘vibe’ us, -(which is Ugandan slang for someone trying to initiate a romantic relationship). They were also the same common words we used to end romantic relationships. 

All my life, I have been abused once by one guy. This guy had a crush on me from primary five and later all through highschool. At the university level when I thought I was now ready for a relationship, I casually brought it up one time when we were chatting on Whatsapp, and guess what, he abused me thoroughly! I didn’t even like him, so I wasn’t offended. I was just surprised, because I had not seen it coming. When did all the love he had for me turn to bitterness?

However, this month, I got served once more on February 3, 2024. Some guy I liked sent me a message that gave me mixed reactions. When I read it, I wanted to cry, I failed to eat…and I was literally mad at everyone around me. Here’s the message: 

Hello! You asked that we talk yesternight. I needed to have been considerate to have the conversation. It may have been important to you. You asked whether I cared about you, and I didn’t have a place to start, in order to give you a fair answer. I remember you asked and warned me not to act nice to you, because “people are talking.” We both know that people are talking, not because I act nice. It is because you talk. And well, I do not actually like it when people talk of things that have no clear truths. I just pay no attention to such. I really hoped this year goes well. I never intend to be in any active relationship any time soon, and there is no amount of care I can give that will lead me there. If I have showed you signs that have made you uncomfortably think I want to be Loved. I am sorry. I never intended that. Also, take this year and not talk about me. I will honestly appreciate that. We can talk on basis of work and friendship.. Because I once thought we were somehow friends, and possibly work mates. If there is need that we meet on Sunday, I will be available at the time we talked of. Have a great Saturday.

Up until this point, I didn’t think it was possible for someone to be both polite and an asshole, all at the same time. I actually wrote a long, detailed reply, but I never sent it. However, 16 hours later, I typed another brief reply, which I sent to him before bed:

Thank you for your honesty. Pardon the late reply. I just didn’t know what to say. There are very few times in my life when I have been at a loss for words, and this was one of them. No, this is enough. We don’t have to meet tomorrow. This summarizes everything. Good night. And, workmates is okay. We don’t have to be friends.

And that was the last time we ever spoke. I was mad for a few days, and acted like a big foolish baby, throwing tantrums. However, I got over it quickly.

I’m glad we had that conversation, because I now started to wonder what it was about him that I had even liked. They say love is blind, but I believe it isn’t. My theory is that we just choose to close our eyes. However, the moment we choose to open them, we see things from a whole new different perspective. 

And the truth shall set you free; -the truth set me free indeed!

The End.

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