Tougher Nights
It was exactly twenty five days since I last communicated with Jason. The goal was to reach 35 days. We had not argued or anything. I had just gone silent.
Ever since one of his friends had told me in confidence that Jason had a girlfriend, I had picked up my wounded pride, carried whatever pieces were left of my broken heart and tried to move on with my life.
To ease the process, I made sure I wasn’t with my phone all the time. At times I left the phone in office or at home; -anywhere that I wasn’t. I also purposed to have low battery at night. Having no one to keep me up late, I slept as early as 7/8pm.
Needless to mention, I was in inexplicable pain. I still loved him and it hurt that he had picked another over me.
That night, I fought the urge to text him. Some nights were just harder than most.
I missed him. I missed us talking.
I checked my WhatsApp. He was online. Sometimes I would check my phone hoping there was a text from him, only to be disappointed. That Wednesday night was no different.
I stared at his profile picture. This just hurt so much. I turned off my data and went to my phone downloads and played my favorite song over and over again. “There Was Jesus,” song by Dolly Parton and Zach Williams. While it played, I turned in my bed to face the wall and cried myself to sleep. That was around 7pm.
Later that night, I woke up and checked my phone for the time. It was 10pm. There was also a text from an unsaved number. I read the sms;
“How are you?”
Just that and nothing else. It had been sent at 8pm. I had a feeling it was someone I knew.
I had nothing to lose. I texted back.
“I’m okay. Who is this though?”
There was no reply. And it was too late to call. I just went back to sleep.
Around 8am the following day, I got a text from the same number.
“It’s good you’re okay”.
I’d be damned! It was Jason! In the text, he had referred to me by my nickname. Few people used that name with me. I was certain it was him. The phone call that followed confirmed my suspicion.
Looking back at that night; my helpless situation, the tears I had cried….. and then God coming through so powerfully for me through a text from the only person that mattered most to me; -how can you say there’s no God?
For me to know that God was so moved by my pain that He acted in my favor; even when He had made it clear that He didn’t want Jason for me, now that’s love. Unconditional love. A kind of love that only God knows. When I was at my hardest point, God was with me. He was with me in the fire. For that, I know I am never alone.
The End.
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1 Comment
One area where God has always been kind to me is in relationships. One time I asked God whether I should leave a certain guy. I knew he was going to say ‘yes’ but I was hoping he would say ‘no’ because of how much I loved that young man. And God, knowing that telling me to leave him would break me, just remained silent.
That silence taught me that God actually cares about my feelings. He knew that I was not emotionally ready to handle the truth, and he cut me some slack.