He Was a Good Egg
The thing that Brandon and my ex have in common is that none of my friends has ever met them. Correction, only two of them have met Brandon, but none met my ex Jason. Why is this important? Well, because even with that fact, all my friends hated my ex Jason, and all my friends love Brandon. Without meeting them, they decided to love one and hate the other. Regardless of how hard I forced my ex down their throats, they never approved of him.
If my friends loved me and defended me half as much as they love Brandon, I would be the happiest girl alive. What I consider crazy is the fact that they even offer me tips on what to do and say to him…plus a whole list of other things.
For instance, Brandon had to return to his home country for his graduation party in December 2021. I understood that he had to go, but I don’t know why deep down I still felt like he had abandoned me. That night I cried myself to sleep and it is accurate to say that I had never cried that amount of tears for anyone at ago in my life. As soon as he landed in Rwanda, he sent me pictures and texted me about his safe travels. A few days later, it pained me to view his statuses, because he was so happy -without me.
To manage my grief, I distanced myself. What the eye doesn’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve over. I even unsaved his contact so he couldn’t see my profile picture or view my status updates.
Regardless, Brandon still texted and called me often. Each time he reached out, I would speak to him, then clear the chat history. I ran away from anything that could cause me to get attached.
Having been good friends since April 2018, I had gotten to know his dreams, goals and aspirations as time went by. I knew everything he wanted to achieve in his life and career. I also knew that he needed some years before he was ready for a relationship. He had told me one time that he wanted to offer the woman he loved the very best. With that at the back of my mind, I pulled away because I didn’t want him to remain in Uganda or in my life because he felt like he owed it to me. I wanted him to go, chase his dreams, spread his wings -and then maybe a few years later when he was ready to commit, then he would find his way back to me -voluntarily.
On April 7, 2022, Brandon returned to Uganda. I’m the first person he called and visited. He was ecstatic to see me, but somehow I had built high walls up.
Even worse, I didn’t know how to interpret my own feelings…I didn’t know what I felt for Brandon. I had reached the point of blocking anyone who insinuated that I loved him. I found it annoying when people kept telling me that I loved Brandon -when in all sincerity I knew that I didn’t.
When I later talked to my friend about all this, he said to me, “Just tell him, ‘Brandon, I was very sad when you left. I missed you'”. However, I couldn’t get myself to say those words because I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. Another guy after listening to me once had texted me, “You say you’re just friends but Brandon would cry if another guy took you”.
Truth be told, I wasn’t dating him but I don’t think I would have borne the idea of him dating someone else.
End of Part One.
Disclaimer: The names that feature in this story are fictitious. They were made up to protect the identity and privacy of those involved.
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